If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
