Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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