My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
