I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Terrible idea I love it
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
