Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
