So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
