im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
