dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
