So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
