I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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