I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My vagina just recognized that song.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize