Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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