Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
