I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I wish you could order shots online.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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