Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
