I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
