Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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