...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
