dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
