I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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