No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
