So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
