I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
