They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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