I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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