Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
