its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
