1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
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