i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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