Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
