I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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