dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
