I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
