she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
