Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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