I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Is Oprah even human
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
