In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
