her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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