I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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