Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i now understand why vodka
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
