This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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