Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
