For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
