She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
