hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
