Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
