I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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