Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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