Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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