So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
