I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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