u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
